thisCassandra

Guess What!

I was walking down the corridor at work today, and was approached by Helen, the cheerful, developmentally challenged sterile processing department hospital employee with the loud voice. She said to me, "Hello, Cassandra, guess what I did this weekend!" She was very excited, and backed me against the wall and grabbed my upper arms for emphasis.

When someone is this excited, I assume some jet-set weekend in some CA city known by its initials, LA or SF or SD or SB, or a visit to a fantastic new restaurant, or a horseback riding adventure, or the Terry Fox Run,or a good game of bowling

"I defrosted my freezer!" she said as she worried at my upper arms for additional emphasis.

Shopping

I went downtown to search for black linen flood pants which I did not find. Shoe shopping I don't mind so much, but there is little I dislike more than shopping for clothing, except cleaning house and shopping for swimwear.

The Jackson Institute Called Forth from a Coma

I stood before the cave of The Jackson Institute, and called it forth from its coma "Jackson Institute come forth!" I commanded, and it came.

I had to design a simple web page and did one for the Jackson Institute. I also devised a tag line: A Few Remarkable Thoughts on A Few Unremarkable Things. Only a few because the Jackson Institute makes no claims of perpetual remarkability.

The focus of the project was The Jackson Institute Introduces The Studly Nerd: SNAG for the New Millenium and accompanying comments. I may make an actual web page for the Jackson Institute; it could be fun. I could post some of those little idea bubbles that I have from time to time, and my Rube Goldberg-ish inventions.

But isn't thisCassandra where I do all of the above? Do I need yet one more web-page? I haven't posted here since the middle of last week, perhaps thisCassandra is another institution going into a coma. Perhaps there is no further need of posting. Perhaps.

Marlene and I were at the hockey game and she asked what I liked about going to games. I thought about it and came up with this: watching hockey is a bit like watching porn - I get to watch strong, young, athletic animals being strong, young, athletic animals together. Watching each, I get to wonder at the capabilities of other people, and watching each gets me a bit excited. In different ways, though, because, I have to say that watching hockey in no way makes me want to play hockey.

Not only do I get to feel awe about what others are able to do, I get to spend time with one of my favourite people. Marlene and I have known each other for a long time, and being with one another is pretty comfortable, pretty easy. All we need for true happiness is cheesies, chocolate and tile rummy.

After the game we came here to rearrange the furniture in my room. She found my ring under the dresser. Yay!

My friend Dave used to live by a restaurant named Good Food which had a big neon sign (orange). Some of the letters were out, the d in good, the ood in food, so the sign read "GooF".

My roof is a good place to be: I planted the plants I bought at the UBC Botanical Gardens Perennial Plant sale in the pots that I inherited from Alda, who was the volunteer coordinator at the UBC Botanical Gardens. The fittingness makes me happy.

Normal People

I was so tired last night that while writing my post I was not just nodding off, but seriously falling asleep. I posted anyway and this morning I found that I'd spelled burgers this way - buger's.

I have a definite memory of talking long ago with a friend - a man friend who was impressed with me - and telling him of having made a trivial mistake. He said something like, "You don't normally make that sort of mistakes," which he characterized as "Normal People Mistakes." Posting the word "buger's" might be a normal people mistake.

Anyway, to finish posting about yesterday, Marlene and I spent a whole bunch of time together yesterday, running around doing errands, including going to see the momster at the respite center where she's staying for another week. I know that other people, normal people, spend one or more days every weekend running around doing things like visiting, shopping, socializing, and I don't think I could live so busily as the other people do. As I've said before, I'm not like the others.

Somewhere in there Marlene and I discussed how we each desired to be famous when we were younger, but neither wanted fame now. We each like our lives of little consequence. I like my little life more and more as time goes by.

Patrick and I had dinner together this evening at the New Town Bakery and Chinese restaurant. We brought some red wine for P to drink, and ordered far too much food, and ate not so much. I have a fridge full of excellent left-overs.

I saw M (who did not see me) on the bus this morning and didn't speak. I find my decision to not speak unspeakably sad - that my interests in people could be so fleeting. M is still cute, but I just didn't feel like putting any effort into it today. Yet one more sign of my level of normalcy.

Time Spent Learning

My next five weeks are being taken up with an intensive Photoshop course, but sharing the next two weeks with an HTML course. I thought I was too burned out with learning things, but maybe I wasn't. I like learning things.

I feel a bit better today, so the sadness does not appear to be terminal. Something I learned in group: to feel my way through the sadness, to allow the feelings to take me over, to wallow in them and to come out the other side. I'm not very good at this sort of thing yet, but I know it's possible.

Learned today - I don't particularly want things (physical or not), I just want the option of things. I want to have choice.

A Few Things That Attract...

...my gaze:

failed attempts at invisibility;

failed attempts at visibility;

cute bad boys;

young animals of all kinds, including human;

people who chew gum with their mouths open;

sweet nerdy butch girls;

sweet nerdy femme boys;

car crashes;

unexpected beauty;

unexpected ugliness;

unexpected brightness;

the happiness of others;

the unhappiness of others.

Seen today: a guy dressed top to toe in camo; his hat, vest and pants in white/gray/black and sweatshirt in faded green. He had a desire for high visibility invisibility. I wanted to take photos of  him but dared not, so I did a bus drawing of him instead. I'll scan it in someday.

Inevitabilities

April 30, income taxes due today. I haven't done mine yet. Truly I've not done any of the inevitabilities yet this year, neither sex, nor death, nor taxes.

My mouth hurts. I spent 3 hours at the mercy of my dentist this afternoon, getting work done to reconstruct the beef jerky damage done last summer. I haven't eaten beef jerky since then.

Yolanda, the head fixin' vixen (handy gals) came over for a walk through and to check out the work I want done. We'll start in June with the removal of the wood on the side of the building and the roof stuff. She figures it will be a week's work. I think it'll be splendid when it's all finished. thisCastle is going to rock even harder than it already does.

I've decided that in any conversation with me, there is room only for one absolute and utter narcissist, and that is me. That said, I may be absolute, but I am not an alpha narcissist, so have been known to back down and let the other narcissist(s) take over. That said, I'm too much of a narcissist to do this very often.

I feel like eating mini-eggs, but I don't have any and besides, I'm trying to survive on less chocolate. I usually buy a pack or two of mini-eggs left over from Easter, but haven't bought any yet this year. I'd better get onto it, because it's almost after the after-Easter season. Soon it will be summer.

Eating two packs of mini-eggs keeps me from jonesing too much for the rest of the year. Until I can buy a pack or two of repurposed for Christmas mini-eggs in the post-Christmas clearouts.

Like sex, death and taxes, chocolate is inevitable. Resistance is futile.

ps. See's rules; in thisCastle we like Nuts and Chews, though we have not indulged in this particular inevitability in several years.

ps. I was on a bus today which took out the mirror of a mini-van and the bus driver didn't notice and drove away. The driver of the mini-van followed the bus and honked, in an attempt to get the bus driver to stop, but the bus driver ignored it. I went and told the bus driver that she might have hit the car and that's why the mini-van  driver had been honking, but the bus driver was having none of it. She said something about the mini-van driver honking to let the bus driver know that a passenger was running for the bus, then she said something about schedules to keep, and I very nearly said something about tight schedules not giving a bus driver the right to hit and run.

Such a stupid driver, and she wasn't even talking on the phone.

Odd, I've never been in a bus that hit something and drove away.

Situational Insanity

My truth is out there.

Bus Girl

Seen on bus: young Asian woman, wearing serious boots (heels and pointed toes), jeans and a camo top, very trendy, sitting with a female friend. The young Asian woman pulled her wallet out of her purse and showed everything she had in there, even money, both sides, explaining it all as she displayed it...this is the card I use to pay for laundry...this is my Visa card...this is my driver's license...to her friend. She then did the same with her makeup bag. Then she pulled out her phone and bringing up numbers, explained them to her friend...this is the number of the person who cuts my hair...this is the number of that girl who had the party last week...this is the number of the place where I bought these jeans...

I wasn't sure if what I was seeing was courtship or a ship that missed the dock and beached itself. Doesn't matter really.

I had an interview with a potential handy human, and I think I've found someone who is willing to take some of the small jobs in thisCastle on. I'm quite thrilled that searching for handy human may now be off my list of things to do.

I made it through two year ends today, academic and fiscal, and feel pretty relieved by that.

Multi-Fortunate Girl

I feel fortunate: my mother took my brother, me and Marlene out for Good Friday dinner this evening. It is fine to be able to share food with family and a friend.

I feel really fortunate: my brother and I had a bit of a debate when he said that if he had a million dollars he could retire. I had to comment that he could retire now, and he said he could not, that he didn't have enough money, that he was poor. My brother is a retired school teacher who works part time at a sports shoe shop and as a running coach, he has clear title on his place, and he gets a full teachers' pension. I had to ask what he meant when he said that he was poor, and he said that he was poor compared to those people and pointed in the general direction of the north shore. I had to say, "You're comparing yourself to the wrong people: if you compare yourself to the rich, you'll always be poor."

Clarified: I may agree that my brother may not have enough money, but you'll never get me to agree that he is poor. I see far too many people who have nothing to think that my middle class brother is poor. Much of my smug sense of good fortune comes from having been able to live somewhere that it is easy for me to feel grateful for what I have.

I feel excessively fortunate: this evening's fortune cookie had three fortunes in it! "Good common sense will help you master life." "Family relationships will improve with time." and "You will have an important decision to make next month."

Three fortunes! I have never before had a cookie with three fortunes in it. How fortunate is that?